What makes us who we are? Nature vs. nurture? I believe in nature, and through my journey in this "shadowy underworld" I can prove it.
A legacy is simple...a kinkster that is descended from other kinksters. This could be in any fashion: Dom, Master, sub, slave, etc. My older girl has posted some information from my personal history in her blog. In my intro, I mentioned that she had one, I'll go ahead and linky now:
Confessions of a Poly Pain Slut
In the post tonight "Owned by 200+ years of history", BrightEyes tells of the contents of journals we have from girls owned by ancestors of mine. I don't think it's terribly uncommon to be 3rd generation (as my youngest girl is), but these entries tell of men in my family, with the same last name, being involved in girl ownership as far back as 1868. We don't even know how many generations I am, since there are confirmed accounts of men in my line being Masters and Doms all the way back to 1799.... this is heavy stuff.
The interesting thing I note is the fact that many of the men referenced in the journals (written by the girls) were often not only Doms, but polyamorous as I am. Sometimes I wonder if I'm odd, but it only takes a look back to know that poly runs in the bloodstream, too. And the nature argument? Growing up, I had no clue as to this legacy. I am 31 and just now getting into how deep it is; my first inkling was just about 4 years ago. It descends from my father, where there are 2 siblings...both involved in the lifestyle. Nature. Steph, my younger girl, is an out-and-out slave. Her father is a Master friend of mine, so it seems nurture has an argument...until one knows that Steph was adopted at birth and didn't meet this father until age 19, after she was already under my collar. Her adoptive mother would not have approved her choice AT ALL; her nurture was completely the opposite of her nature. Nature won.
This legacy can be a great burden, but also a blessing. I have a strong sense of honor and now that I am aware of my legacy, my instinct is to honor it, carry it forth in a way that would make my forebears proud. The burden isn't to live up to them, as an observer might imagine, but to myself. But what it gives me is an explanation of why I am the way I am, why I live according to my own principles as sometimes opposed to what is "generally accepted." This subculture was born of the leather community, whips and chains and all that, but I'm not very interested in that part. I am symbolism, I am an allegory, I am an enigma, and I'm happy to be so. I believe that a person loves who they love, for me that's girls and not necessarily one. Perhaps that is the leather culture and the new norms it produces, but I believe firmly that it's inherited.
Like me, my ancestors didn't follow societal norms. One of the journal entries referenced in BrightEyes's blog is of a girl about WWI who was offered a collar. If one takes into account that we're southerners, one could see why that was such a big thing for this girl. (Hint: segregation). The journal entry from 1868 is clearly a poly relationship. I don't know what else we'll discover in these windows to the past, but I am proud to belong to such a long, colorful, legacy. I hope I will bring credit to the name and honor to the legacy. That is all.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Sunday, August 5, 2012
BDSM?
Yes, it's a basic item. The acronym is used throughout the lifestyle that we call home. But what does it mean? If you look it up on wiki, for what a quality source that is, you see that it's "a condensed acronym in the 1990s to combine communities and practices that had a significant amount of crossover – bondage and discipline (B&D or B/D), dominance and submission (D&S or D/s), and sadomasochism or sadism and masochism (S&M or S/M)." Who needs all this? I use this acronym, like all the others, but I disdain the sources of its traditional breakdown.
Bondage & Discipline.... Nope, I'm into MUCH more than that. Dominance and submission.... closer, really, but not descriptive enough for my tastes since I live this 24/7; it's in my blood, and I might detail this in a later post. Sadomasochism or sadism and masochism... this comes from the "principles" of the Marquis de Sade, and insofar as the "principles" are just physical brutality, I am honored whenever I am accused of not being "de Sadian" as I am from time to time.
So in a nutshell, we have "tie them up", "control them", and "beat the crap out of them". And the level of control implied is not accurate to me... where's the Master? Where's the slave? As with most mores in the lifestyle, I find myself redefining all terms and definitions to fit me. Arrogant? Not when you know what you're talking about. So here is my personal breakdown of the famous acronym.
B) Still bondage. I incorporate both the B and D in the normal definition into this. Bondage covers the physical control- chains, straps, ties, collars, etc. All of these things are used for discipline, so why does that need another letter?
D) Domination. More than dominance, I see this as the total domination that can come from a 24/7 TPE situation, but it doesn't have to. The old S and M parts go here. I see this as a physical letter, and like my B, something that isn't necessarily done 24/7.
The first half covers the aspects of the lifestyle that doesn't require a 24/7/365 commitment. Many people like to play sub or dom when the mood suits them, and that is perfectly normal. Our subculture welcomes all types and operating in the first half as I've defined it is nothing to feel inferior about. But for those like me who live this stuff, I have the second half, as follows:
S) Servitude (or Slavehood). This is for all the slaves out there. The mentality of a slave is so different from that of a sub, I say a comparison of my S to my B or D is apples and oranges. This is for the total control, Master-in-your-mind dominance that permeates the fundamental psyche of those who wear the collar.
M) Masterhood. Our turn. Masterhood, like Servitude, is one of those concepts that is so great that it deserves its own letter. The desire to be in a slave's mind, to be the only one they could ever consider serving, to take care of them even at the expense of self. If you are one of these, you know what I am explaining.
A haughty cyber-dom-expert might notice that I completely wrote de Sade out of it. This was intentional. The "thwack thwack" that is the entirety of the de Sadian legacy is a tiny, tiny fragment of the totality of what this lifestyle can provide to both D types and S types. Sure, physical dominance (beatings and all that) can be fun and have their place, but if adherence to the de Sadian "principles" is a requirement to be BDSM, then you can keep it, thanks. I will not limit myself in that way.
There are Doms...and Masters. There are subs...and slaves. What you are is what you define YOURSELF as. I am a Master, and I'm sure that there are a lot of D types out there who have definitions of what a Master should be that I wouldn't meet (specifically, I'm not into the thwack thwack very much...not a sadist). As I've stated before, I thrive in the mind. That is where true control lies. When you have a girl that can't sleep if you haven't told her to sleep or one that bursts into tears if she thinks you MIGHT be upset with her... that is Masterhood.
Bondage & Discipline.... Nope, I'm into MUCH more than that. Dominance and submission.... closer, really, but not descriptive enough for my tastes since I live this 24/7; it's in my blood, and I might detail this in a later post. Sadomasochism or sadism and masochism... this comes from the "principles" of the Marquis de Sade, and insofar as the "principles" are just physical brutality, I am honored whenever I am accused of not being "de Sadian" as I am from time to time.
So in a nutshell, we have "tie them up", "control them", and "beat the crap out of them". And the level of control implied is not accurate to me... where's the Master? Where's the slave? As with most mores in the lifestyle, I find myself redefining all terms and definitions to fit me. Arrogant? Not when you know what you're talking about. So here is my personal breakdown of the famous acronym.
B) Still bondage. I incorporate both the B and D in the normal definition into this. Bondage covers the physical control- chains, straps, ties, collars, etc. All of these things are used for discipline, so why does that need another letter?
D) Domination. More than dominance, I see this as the total domination that can come from a 24/7 TPE situation, but it doesn't have to. The old S and M parts go here. I see this as a physical letter, and like my B, something that isn't necessarily done 24/7.
The first half covers the aspects of the lifestyle that doesn't require a 24/7/365 commitment. Many people like to play sub or dom when the mood suits them, and that is perfectly normal. Our subculture welcomes all types and operating in the first half as I've defined it is nothing to feel inferior about. But for those like me who live this stuff, I have the second half, as follows:
S) Servitude (or Slavehood). This is for all the slaves out there. The mentality of a slave is so different from that of a sub, I say a comparison of my S to my B or D is apples and oranges. This is for the total control, Master-in-your-mind dominance that permeates the fundamental psyche of those who wear the collar.
M) Masterhood. Our turn. Masterhood, like Servitude, is one of those concepts that is so great that it deserves its own letter. The desire to be in a slave's mind, to be the only one they could ever consider serving, to take care of them even at the expense of self. If you are one of these, you know what I am explaining.
A haughty cyber-dom-expert might notice that I completely wrote de Sade out of it. This was intentional. The "thwack thwack" that is the entirety of the de Sadian legacy is a tiny, tiny fragment of the totality of what this lifestyle can provide to both D types and S types. Sure, physical dominance (beatings and all that) can be fun and have their place, but if adherence to the de Sadian "principles" is a requirement to be BDSM, then you can keep it, thanks. I will not limit myself in that way.
There are Doms...and Masters. There are subs...and slaves. What you are is what you define YOURSELF as. I am a Master, and I'm sure that there are a lot of D types out there who have definitions of what a Master should be that I wouldn't meet (specifically, I'm not into the thwack thwack very much...not a sadist). As I've stated before, I thrive in the mind. That is where true control lies. When you have a girl that can't sleep if you haven't told her to sleep or one that bursts into tears if she thinks you MIGHT be upset with her... that is Masterhood.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
How much power is exchanged in TPE?
I have heard discussions of this topic on fetlife, and thought i would expound here instead of on a forum post, so here goes.
Does the slave retain any or all power when they surrender it of their own free will? Short answer: no. Long answer: no with caveats. The simple explanation is that if you keep a sub/slave happy, they will strive to make you happy. A slave who isnt valued as a person or whose opinions truly dont matter to the dom will likely become listless over time, and their lack of effort will cause strife that may lead to a split.
I, for example, am not a physical sadist. I have heard doms that say because of this that I am not a real dom, but I'll happily tell those where to stick it. My girls all give me the credit for my position, and that is what matters. I know what I am- I operate on the mental plane (it is so much more powerful). Instead of beating a slave into submission, I prefer to herd them into giving it up willingly. I think all slaves crave this being done, at least to some extent.
One of my girls, a bona fide pain slut, has experienced this. She was in a tough spot in her relationship where her Master was physical. So why would a pain slut become dissatisfied with this arrangement? its because she craved the mental arts, which she never fully got in that relationship until I began a reeducation.
An equally valid question is this: I do not enjoy the physical, but I have two pain sluts that couldnt be happier...why? One of these pain sluts has been with me for 10 years and there is no dissatisfaction between us.
Why?
The answer is mental. Even with the newer pain slut, I have such a tight grip on their minds that they couldn't imagine not being with me, at least in the here and now. This is why I believe that mental arts are so effective.
Do they, or my third, a rope slut, have power? No. They will bend to my will whatever the cost. However, comma, if I ignored their wishes altogether they may become dissatisfied. So, despite my indifference to the physical, I indulge their physical masochism from time. This brings me back to the main thesis.
The slaves have no power to get me to do this, in my view. I indulge the physical when I feel like it, not when they do. But by indulging them on occasion, they don't have to completely give up that desire for a good beating totally, and they get good value in exchange for total physical fulfillment- total mental domination and manipulation, and there is no doubt that I care for each of them and provide them protection from whatever comes, physical, mental, or emotional.
In the vanilla world, I also see my slaves as people in their own right. When a decision needs to be made, my decision is final- the difference is that I get the slaves' opinions on the subject. I may decide against them, but the fact that I take their view into account gives them a sense of really being important to me, and each of them is.
You see, it's not that they have power, but that I step out of my comfort zone sometimes to indulge them, thereby keeping them dedicated.Since I care for my girls, controlling them mentally, giving them physical pain once in a while, listening to them, and being the steady, reliable presence for them, they are so happy that they will go far out of their way to please me. This is the secret to a good M/s dynamic. Even a pain slut needs the full package of domination and to feel that she is valued as a person to be happy, my newest is proof of this.
If you dont earn the title Master from the slave, of their own free will, you are not a Master. And you would be surprised how little pain it can take to physically break a pain slut. Perhaps I will expand on this idea later in its own topic.
Reposted from my old blog, circa Aug 2011
Does the slave retain any or all power when they surrender it of their own free will? Short answer: no. Long answer: no with caveats. The simple explanation is that if you keep a sub/slave happy, they will strive to make you happy. A slave who isnt valued as a person or whose opinions truly dont matter to the dom will likely become listless over time, and their lack of effort will cause strife that may lead to a split.
I, for example, am not a physical sadist. I have heard doms that say because of this that I am not a real dom, but I'll happily tell those where to stick it. My girls all give me the credit for my position, and that is what matters. I know what I am- I operate on the mental plane (it is so much more powerful). Instead of beating a slave into submission, I prefer to herd them into giving it up willingly. I think all slaves crave this being done, at least to some extent.
One of my girls, a bona fide pain slut, has experienced this. She was in a tough spot in her relationship where her Master was physical. So why would a pain slut become dissatisfied with this arrangement? its because she craved the mental arts, which she never fully got in that relationship until I began a reeducation.
An equally valid question is this: I do not enjoy the physical, but I have two pain sluts that couldnt be happier...why? One of these pain sluts has been with me for 10 years and there is no dissatisfaction between us.
Why?
The answer is mental. Even with the newer pain slut, I have such a tight grip on their minds that they couldn't imagine not being with me, at least in the here and now. This is why I believe that mental arts are so effective.
Do they, or my third, a rope slut, have power? No. They will bend to my will whatever the cost. However, comma, if I ignored their wishes altogether they may become dissatisfied. So, despite my indifference to the physical, I indulge their physical masochism from time. This brings me back to the main thesis.
The slaves have no power to get me to do this, in my view. I indulge the physical when I feel like it, not when they do. But by indulging them on occasion, they don't have to completely give up that desire for a good beating totally, and they get good value in exchange for total physical fulfillment- total mental domination and manipulation, and there is no doubt that I care for each of them and provide them protection from whatever comes, physical, mental, or emotional.
In the vanilla world, I also see my slaves as people in their own right. When a decision needs to be made, my decision is final- the difference is that I get the slaves' opinions on the subject. I may decide against them, but the fact that I take their view into account gives them a sense of really being important to me, and each of them is.
You see, it's not that they have power, but that I step out of my comfort zone sometimes to indulge them, thereby keeping them dedicated.Since I care for my girls, controlling them mentally, giving them physical pain once in a while, listening to them, and being the steady, reliable presence for them, they are so happy that they will go far out of their way to please me. This is the secret to a good M/s dynamic. Even a pain slut needs the full package of domination and to feel that she is valued as a person to be happy, my newest is proof of this.
If you dont earn the title Master from the slave, of their own free will, you are not a Master. And you would be surprised how little pain it can take to physically break a pain slut. Perhaps I will expand on this idea later in its own topic.
Reposted from my old blog, circa Aug 2011
S&M vs. Abuse
In this blog, I will from time to time address issues surrounding the
lifestyle, since some new Dom/mes don't recognize the existence or
validity of some of the 'leather family values' that some of the more
experienced of Us may take for granted, or topics that address some
traits adduced to Us by vanilla people.
Today's topic is the difference between sadomasochism (SM) and abuse. A slave friend suggested this topic to Me and I think it is a good one. a vanilla person may assume all SM is abuse, and a bad Dom/me may assume all abuse is SM, or not know the difference. So what is the difference?
The difference between SM and abuse is very simple. *drumroll* The subject's interpretation. If the subject says it is valid SM in clear mind and of free will, it is SM. If the subject says it is abuse, it is abuse. Period. Dot. End. Some action one slave says is SM, another may name it abuse.
How can this be? Aren't Dom/mes in charge? Is it not true that a slave has no limits? Any Dom/me unable to see the logic behind the curtain can learn something here. Yes, the slave often submits that power to the Dom/me, but any Dom/me that makes a slave feel abused will not have a very happy slave. An unhappy slave is less responsive, less trusting, more fearful, and a host of other negative things that will bring down the relationship.
A slave that is allowed to explore, and that knows their gift of submission won't be taken undue advantage of, will be a happy slave, eager to serve, to behave, and will be more full of joy and smiles.
Simply put- any healthy SM relationship is a paradox in some ways. The slave has no power, but it is a two-way street. The slave must serve, but shouldn't be asked to do things they will resent You for. If You need a soundbite, I have a quote- 'With great power comes great responsibility (yeah, yeah, but it is true).'
That is what is lost on some- the responsibility. If someone gives You power over themselves, in some cases even over life-essential things like what and when they eat, it places the responsibility for their care and well-being in Your hands. If You just take the power and otherwise leave them to their own devices, they will struggle and You will project a well-deserved image as a Dom/me who neglects/abuses slaves.
This post originally aired in an old blog circa June 2011.
Today's topic is the difference between sadomasochism (SM) and abuse. A slave friend suggested this topic to Me and I think it is a good one. a vanilla person may assume all SM is abuse, and a bad Dom/me may assume all abuse is SM, or not know the difference. So what is the difference?
The difference between SM and abuse is very simple. *drumroll* The subject's interpretation. If the subject says it is valid SM in clear mind and of free will, it is SM. If the subject says it is abuse, it is abuse. Period. Dot. End. Some action one slave says is SM, another may name it abuse.
How can this be? Aren't Dom/mes in charge? Is it not true that a slave has no limits? Any Dom/me unable to see the logic behind the curtain can learn something here. Yes, the slave often submits that power to the Dom/me, but any Dom/me that makes a slave feel abused will not have a very happy slave. An unhappy slave is less responsive, less trusting, more fearful, and a host of other negative things that will bring down the relationship.
A slave that is allowed to explore, and that knows their gift of submission won't be taken undue advantage of, will be a happy slave, eager to serve, to behave, and will be more full of joy and smiles.
Simply put- any healthy SM relationship is a paradox in some ways. The slave has no power, but it is a two-way street. The slave must serve, but shouldn't be asked to do things they will resent You for. If You need a soundbite, I have a quote- 'With great power comes great responsibility (yeah, yeah, but it is true).'
That is what is lost on some- the responsibility. If someone gives You power over themselves, in some cases even over life-essential things like what and when they eat, it places the responsibility for their care and well-being in Your hands. If You just take the power and otherwise leave them to their own devices, they will struggle and You will project a well-deserved image as a Dom/me who neglects/abuses slaves.
This post originally aired in an old blog circa June 2011.
Intro
I am known as MasterJL. I thought every blog needs an introduction, so here I am. I am called a Gorean Master by some, a phsychopath by others (if they dare). All kidding aside, I am the owner of two slaves, slaves who live the title so deeply that I imagine it would be hard for them to think of themselves any other way.
I am also 'old-school'. I have little patience for Dom/mes who just want the opportunity to use the title to sanction physical beatings. I operate primarily with mental arts.
One slave, to whom I have been married over 10 years can be instructed merely by a look. I believe that if You must beat or whip a slave to get them to behave, you're doing it wrong. While those practices can be very effective, and I do use them, it is so much sweeter when a slave is held in place not by ropes, chain, leather, or fear of beatings, but just because it is Your will for her to do so.
Slaves trained this way act properly for totally different reasons than those trained exclusively with the threat of the whip. My girls fear Master's disapproval as much as a lash (one of them loves the lash anyway). This slave in particular keeps her own blog, one I will link to soon.
Now that the formalities, shall we get on with the (irregularly updated) show?
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