What makes us who we are? Nature vs. nurture? I believe in nature, and through my journey in this "shadowy underworld" I can prove it.
A legacy is simple...a kinkster that is descended from other kinksters. This could be in any fashion: Dom, Master, sub, slave, etc. My older girl has posted some information from my personal history in her blog. In my intro, I mentioned that she had one, I'll go ahead and linky now:
Confessions of a Poly Pain Slut
In the post tonight "Owned by 200+ years of history", BrightEyes tells of the contents of journals we have from girls owned by ancestors of mine. I don't think it's terribly uncommon to be 3rd generation (as my youngest girl is), but these entries tell of men in my family, with the same last name, being involved in girl ownership as far back as 1868. We don't even know how many generations I am, since there are confirmed accounts of men in my line being Masters and Doms all the way back to 1799.... this is heavy stuff.
The interesting thing I note is the fact that many of the men referenced in the journals (written by the girls) were often not only Doms, but polyamorous as I am. Sometimes I wonder if I'm odd, but it only takes a look back to know that poly runs in the bloodstream, too. And the nature argument? Growing up, I had no clue as to this legacy. I am 31 and just now getting into how deep it is; my first inkling was just about 4 years ago. It descends from my father, where there are 2 siblings...both involved in the lifestyle. Nature. Steph, my younger girl, is an out-and-out slave. Her father is a Master friend of mine, so it seems nurture has an argument...until one knows that Steph was adopted at birth and didn't meet this father until age 19, after she was already under my collar. Her adoptive mother would not have approved her choice AT ALL; her nurture was completely the opposite of her nature. Nature won.
This legacy can be a great burden, but also a blessing. I have a strong sense of honor and now that I am aware of my legacy, my instinct is to honor it, carry it forth in a way that would make my forebears proud. The burden isn't to live up to them, as an observer might imagine, but to myself. But what it gives me is an explanation of why I am the way I am, why I live according to my own principles as sometimes opposed to what is "generally accepted." This subculture was born of the leather community, whips and chains and all that, but I'm not very interested in that part. I am symbolism, I am an allegory, I am an enigma, and I'm happy to be so. I believe that a person loves who they love, for me that's girls and not necessarily one. Perhaps that is the leather culture and the new norms it produces, but I believe firmly that it's inherited.
Like me, my ancestors didn't follow societal norms. One of the journal entries referenced in BrightEyes's blog is of a girl about WWI who was offered a collar. If one takes into account that we're southerners, one could see why that was such a big thing for this girl. (Hint: segregation). The journal entry from 1868 is clearly a poly relationship. I don't know what else we'll discover in these windows to the past, but I am proud to belong to such a long, colorful, legacy. I hope I will bring credit to the name and honor to the legacy. That is all.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Sunday, August 5, 2012
BDSM?
Yes, it's a basic item. The acronym is used throughout the lifestyle that we call home. But what does it mean? If you look it up on wiki, for what a quality source that is, you see that it's "a condensed acronym in the 1990s to combine communities and practices that had a significant amount of crossover – bondage and discipline (B&D or B/D), dominance and submission (D&S or D/s), and sadomasochism or sadism and masochism (S&M or S/M)." Who needs all this? I use this acronym, like all the others, but I disdain the sources of its traditional breakdown.
Bondage & Discipline.... Nope, I'm into MUCH more than that. Dominance and submission.... closer, really, but not descriptive enough for my tastes since I live this 24/7; it's in my blood, and I might detail this in a later post. Sadomasochism or sadism and masochism... this comes from the "principles" of the Marquis de Sade, and insofar as the "principles" are just physical brutality, I am honored whenever I am accused of not being "de Sadian" as I am from time to time.
So in a nutshell, we have "tie them up", "control them", and "beat the crap out of them". And the level of control implied is not accurate to me... where's the Master? Where's the slave? As with most mores in the lifestyle, I find myself redefining all terms and definitions to fit me. Arrogant? Not when you know what you're talking about. So here is my personal breakdown of the famous acronym.
B) Still bondage. I incorporate both the B and D in the normal definition into this. Bondage covers the physical control- chains, straps, ties, collars, etc. All of these things are used for discipline, so why does that need another letter?
D) Domination. More than dominance, I see this as the total domination that can come from a 24/7 TPE situation, but it doesn't have to. The old S and M parts go here. I see this as a physical letter, and like my B, something that isn't necessarily done 24/7.
The first half covers the aspects of the lifestyle that doesn't require a 24/7/365 commitment. Many people like to play sub or dom when the mood suits them, and that is perfectly normal. Our subculture welcomes all types and operating in the first half as I've defined it is nothing to feel inferior about. But for those like me who live this stuff, I have the second half, as follows:
S) Servitude (or Slavehood). This is for all the slaves out there. The mentality of a slave is so different from that of a sub, I say a comparison of my S to my B or D is apples and oranges. This is for the total control, Master-in-your-mind dominance that permeates the fundamental psyche of those who wear the collar.
M) Masterhood. Our turn. Masterhood, like Servitude, is one of those concepts that is so great that it deserves its own letter. The desire to be in a slave's mind, to be the only one they could ever consider serving, to take care of them even at the expense of self. If you are one of these, you know what I am explaining.
A haughty cyber-dom-expert might notice that I completely wrote de Sade out of it. This was intentional. The "thwack thwack" that is the entirety of the de Sadian legacy is a tiny, tiny fragment of the totality of what this lifestyle can provide to both D types and S types. Sure, physical dominance (beatings and all that) can be fun and have their place, but if adherence to the de Sadian "principles" is a requirement to be BDSM, then you can keep it, thanks. I will not limit myself in that way.
There are Doms...and Masters. There are subs...and slaves. What you are is what you define YOURSELF as. I am a Master, and I'm sure that there are a lot of D types out there who have definitions of what a Master should be that I wouldn't meet (specifically, I'm not into the thwack thwack very much...not a sadist). As I've stated before, I thrive in the mind. That is where true control lies. When you have a girl that can't sleep if you haven't told her to sleep or one that bursts into tears if she thinks you MIGHT be upset with her... that is Masterhood.
Bondage & Discipline.... Nope, I'm into MUCH more than that. Dominance and submission.... closer, really, but not descriptive enough for my tastes since I live this 24/7; it's in my blood, and I might detail this in a later post. Sadomasochism or sadism and masochism... this comes from the "principles" of the Marquis de Sade, and insofar as the "principles" are just physical brutality, I am honored whenever I am accused of not being "de Sadian" as I am from time to time.
So in a nutshell, we have "tie them up", "control them", and "beat the crap out of them". And the level of control implied is not accurate to me... where's the Master? Where's the slave? As with most mores in the lifestyle, I find myself redefining all terms and definitions to fit me. Arrogant? Not when you know what you're talking about. So here is my personal breakdown of the famous acronym.
B) Still bondage. I incorporate both the B and D in the normal definition into this. Bondage covers the physical control- chains, straps, ties, collars, etc. All of these things are used for discipline, so why does that need another letter?
D) Domination. More than dominance, I see this as the total domination that can come from a 24/7 TPE situation, but it doesn't have to. The old S and M parts go here. I see this as a physical letter, and like my B, something that isn't necessarily done 24/7.
The first half covers the aspects of the lifestyle that doesn't require a 24/7/365 commitment. Many people like to play sub or dom when the mood suits them, and that is perfectly normal. Our subculture welcomes all types and operating in the first half as I've defined it is nothing to feel inferior about. But for those like me who live this stuff, I have the second half, as follows:
S) Servitude (or Slavehood). This is for all the slaves out there. The mentality of a slave is so different from that of a sub, I say a comparison of my S to my B or D is apples and oranges. This is for the total control, Master-in-your-mind dominance that permeates the fundamental psyche of those who wear the collar.
M) Masterhood. Our turn. Masterhood, like Servitude, is one of those concepts that is so great that it deserves its own letter. The desire to be in a slave's mind, to be the only one they could ever consider serving, to take care of them even at the expense of self. If you are one of these, you know what I am explaining.
A haughty cyber-dom-expert might notice that I completely wrote de Sade out of it. This was intentional. The "thwack thwack" that is the entirety of the de Sadian legacy is a tiny, tiny fragment of the totality of what this lifestyle can provide to both D types and S types. Sure, physical dominance (beatings and all that) can be fun and have their place, but if adherence to the de Sadian "principles" is a requirement to be BDSM, then you can keep it, thanks. I will not limit myself in that way.
There are Doms...and Masters. There are subs...and slaves. What you are is what you define YOURSELF as. I am a Master, and I'm sure that there are a lot of D types out there who have definitions of what a Master should be that I wouldn't meet (specifically, I'm not into the thwack thwack very much...not a sadist). As I've stated before, I thrive in the mind. That is where true control lies. When you have a girl that can't sleep if you haven't told her to sleep or one that bursts into tears if she thinks you MIGHT be upset with her... that is Masterhood.
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