In this blog, I will from time to time address issues surrounding the
lifestyle, since some new Dom/mes don't recognize the existence or
validity of some of the 'leather family values' that some of the more
experienced of Us may take for granted, or topics that address some
traits adduced to Us by vanilla people.
Today's topic is the
difference between sadomasochism (SM) and abuse. A slave friend
suggested this topic to Me and I think it is a good one. a vanilla
person may assume all SM is abuse, and a bad Dom/me may assume all abuse
is SM, or not know the difference. So what is the difference?
The
difference between SM and abuse is very simple. *drumroll* The
subject's interpretation. If the subject says it is valid SM in clear
mind and of free will, it is SM. If the subject says it is abuse, it is
abuse. Period. Dot. End. Some action one slave says is SM, another may
name it abuse.
How can this be? Aren't Dom/mes in charge? Is it
not true that a slave has no limits? Any Dom/me unable to see the logic
behind the curtain can learn something here. Yes, the slave often
submits that power to the Dom/me, but any Dom/me that makes a slave feel
abused will not have a very happy slave. An unhappy slave is less
responsive, less trusting, more fearful, and a host of other negative
things that will bring down the relationship.
A slave that is
allowed to explore, and that knows their gift of submission won't be
taken undue advantage of, will be a happy slave, eager to serve, to
behave, and will be more full of joy and smiles.
Simply put- any
healthy SM relationship is a paradox in some ways. The slave has no
power, but it is a two-way street. The slave must serve, but shouldn't
be asked to do things they will resent You for. If You need a soundbite,
I have a quote- 'With great power comes great responsibility (yeah,
yeah, but it is true).'
That is what is lost on some- the
responsibility. If someone gives You power over themselves, in some
cases even over life-essential things like what and when they eat, it
places the responsibility for their care and well-being in Your hands. If
You just take the power and otherwise leave them to their own devices,
they will struggle and You will project a well-deserved image as a
Dom/me who neglects/abuses slaves.
This post originally aired in an old blog circa June 2011.
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